Control and Stress
"Worrying is like praying for something that you don’t want to happen."
Understanding how control and stress are connected in your relationships can really improve how you interact with others. Wanting to control everything often leads to more stress and tension. So, what is control in this context? It’s trying to influence others’ behaviors, actions, and responses to fit your expectations.
When you feel in control of your relationships and interactions, you often experience less stress. This sense of control boosts your confidence, security, and overall well-being. You feel more assured and capable, which helps you stay relaxed and positive. However, this sense of security is a trap: when it’s missing, you feel like you’re losing that security, or can’t manage the situation, and stress and anxiety quickly rise and you can find yourself overwhelmed.
Control & Consequences
This reliance on control often leads to perfectionism, where anything less than complete harmony or predictability becomes unacceptable. Striving for this sort of exceptionally high standards and expectations is unrealistic, and will set you up for disappointment and failure whether it’s for yourself or others.
Moreover, attempting to control other’s feelings or behaviors can be particularly damaging for both them and you, and will inevitably lead to stress, frustration, and disharmony. People are inherently unpredictable and trying to manage their actions will lead to conflict as you cross their boundaries.
Balancing Control and Letting Go
Recognizing that your need for control is causing your stress is crucial. Letting go of this reliance on control can help you feel more confident and secure. By embracing the unpredictability of life, you’ll find greater peace and resilience. This shift not only improves your mental health but also leads to healthier, more balanced relationships and interactions with the world. When you stop trying to control everything, you allow yourself and others to thrive more naturally.
Balancing the need for control with the ability to let go is essential for managing stress effectively in relationships. Accept that not everything is within your control and learn to adapt to changes. Focus on what you can control, such as your 1.1.5-reactions and behaviors, and let go of trying to manage what you cannot, like your partner’s independent actions.